I just don’t like Breaking Bad. I don’t see a problem with that.
- Car repair guy on the sidewalk: How you doing, sweetie? You're so sweet. You're sweet like sugar. You're sweet like sugar plums.
- Me: That's disrespectful.
- Car repair guy: I SAID YOU'RE SWEET!
We’re going to need more toilet paper.
"You use toilet paper every time?!" -CR, just having his mind blown
Hey darling! I want to see what you eat for DINNER! …Because it’s not very much because you SKINNY!
Putting dead bugs in his desk drawer can leave your boss no option other than to fire you.
- Me: How's CH without me?!
- MP: We started a list of things we miss because we're so sad. a huge email chain
Simon says, ‘Step in the poop.’